Quit Keeping Company that Bores You

Almost everyday I get a letter something like this: “I am going to be in L.A at the end of the month and I thought I might drop by… “ They all have some angles: projects, interviews and sundry. And it’s all nothingness. These people are lonely, depraved and not the least bit interesting. Always remember, be kind to yourself first. ~Bukowski

Bukowski is the best—he hit the world in the face with his truth, he wrote poems about his balls, about the mediocrity in working yourself to death. He said it all, publishing thousands of poems.

He didn’t run with the best poets—he didn’t fancy Kerouac, or Ginsberg.

He thought Hemingway was fluffy and sent groupies letters saying, “NO VISITORS” when they harassed him.

He drank too much, spent too much time at the race tracks and loved prostitutes.

He was an isolationist and a hermit. All he wanted was four walls and a bottle of red wine and sometimes a fuck or two.

I read his work and laugh wildly—his realism is refreshing and all that is right with the world .

He was a people-phoebe, preferring to spend his days with his typewriter.

I get off on much of what he wrote because I understand how being surrounded by company that bores you can kill you—take the life right out of you.

I hit a threshold of hanging out with uninteresting people about a year ago.

I broke it off with a lot of friends—this is necessary, dumping friends.

Why don’t we do it more often?

Have you ever broken up with a friend?

Perhaps it is because we feel obligated, or haven’t the balls to do so.

I realized having company who bores you is like taking a short cut to death, a complete and utter disservice to ourselves.

As Bukowski says, “always be kind to yourself first.”

Being kind to yourself means keeping company you love.

There are energy vampires in this world, who will try taking you down with them.

Someone liking you isn’t enough, you have to like them back.

I began to cut out company that was a one-way street.

You know what I’m saying—the friend you’ve had since you were six or ten that you grew up with, the one you have the stupid stories from twenty years ago you repeat because it is the only thing left you have in common.

The one who lives in suburbia, get’s her nails done and whitens her teeth with a picket fence and makes sandwiches.

I have no interest in these people.

People I knew—it’s not good enough, knowing someone once.

Even when we are standing still the earth is moving, we are always traveling, growing, changing, and shifting.

I knew me five seconds ago, but I don’t know me now—and you sure as hell don’t either.

The other company that doesn’t interest me is the ones who think that because we are both writers we should be friends.

Just because we both dance with our pens?

That’s like saying, because I’m white and you’re white we should be friends.

How stupid does that sound?

Almost as stupid as racism.

Do not keep company solely because they do the same things as you--you can do the same things as someone and have nothing to say but crickets.

We are not what we do—I am not a writer, I am Janne.

Find company that enlivens you.

That gets the world you live in—now, this very second.

That calls you on your shit and pushes you to do nothing but what you love.

Who can’t stand to see you do anything but light a fire with your life.

Who is as crazy about your passions as you because they know it is how you give back to this world.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” ~ Jack Kerouac

Do not settle for whomever solely because you are too lazy to find company that makes your spirit tick.

That’s as inspiring as having sex with someone you don’t love anymore to avoid upping your number.

We need people around who see the world different. They are good too—but only if you both take away something valuable from your friendship.

I have friends who live lives I have no interest in living, which I love and see often.

Diversity is valuable-if it’s a two way street.

What isn’t valuable is wasting time finding the kindred ones you want to roam this earth with because your life is filled with comfortable connections--quit that.

Find your people—seek them out and give this world hell.

Don’t be afraid to axe a connection if it no longer serves you.

Some people call this selfish, I call staying friends with someone when your connection has expired selfish.

Let them find people who appreciate and like them back—leave to make space for that person in their life.

It will be uncomfortable, you will hurt feelings, be the bad guy, and then you will both be better off.

Win, Win, Win.

related posts